my script

[redlum]

I'd really appreciate some views on this work in progress, not far from completion. I dunno about you but for me momentum and the distance to 'the end' seem to be inversely related when it comes to a script. So I'd really appreciate thoughts and suggestions.

So here it is: Working Title "Royston Cobb"

www.r2ka.freeserve.co.uk/royston_cobb.rtf

Excuse the incorrect formating (if thats important to you) I just wanted to be able to type as freely as possible for this. Plus I'm too conscious of the page=a minute rule when writing under the guidelines. A rule hich I've found to be *too accurate for comfort.

[emjen]

the program crashes when I'm trying to download it.
It also asks me to convert it to some kind of file, but into what should I convert it?

[redlum]

Sorry. Try this one

www.r2ka.freeserve.co.uk/royston_cobb.htm

<font color="#a62a2a" size="1">[ March 25, 2003 06:11 AM: Message edited by: redlum ]</font>

[mjtate]

Nice dialogue, sounds like a cross between happy gilmore and the big lebowski, i usually get bored pretty quickly when rerading scripts here, but this one held my attentoin. At the beginning is Roystons dialogue voice over or to camera; ferris bueller style?

Keep up the good work

[emjen]

I won't go into the writing as much seeing this is just a first fast draf, but try not to use as much camera directions.

Also the main character, I think I get your idea of how you want him. But try to give him a bit more 'power'. As Syd Field says, don't let him react all the time to the action. Don't let him become a passive character. Tony seems to be doing all the work now, and taking over. Be careful with that. I like the Roy character though.

As for the opening, I thought it could've been done faster. And the Roy vs Clinton affair, well it seems like Roy doesn't really care much whether he pays him or not. Andd...

Jim
Knowledge is power.

This made me laugh.

Well I hope I've helped.

[redlum]

Thanks for the replies.

In response.

I hadn't really considered a Feris Bueller camera address, but it seems like quite a good idea, perhaps not all the way through, but it might be worth filming some of the opening VO dialogue on location.

I've been pretty sloppy with screenwriting guidelines on this one but I'll be working with a theatre actors so they wont really care, and I plan to direct anyway.

As I've been writing I've been starting to notice Royston become more passive as you say, but Im hoping to have an event at the end which will be striking in terms of audience expectations of his character. That Syd Field quote gives me something to think about, thanks.